Psychology of Success

Happiness is circular. Happy people have happy habits, which in turn, makes them happier. Here’s a list of habits that have a high chance of giving you a happiness boost.

1. Savor the moment. Look around yourenvironment and take note of one thing that you often take for granted. Bring mindful attention and awareness to it. Try to engage all your senses. Notice the positive feelings and associations that go with it. Try to hold onto this awareness for 15-20 seconds or so, to let it really sink in.

2. Practice non-judgmental awareness of yourself and others. Most people, including you, are doing the best they can with the resources they have in any particular moment. No one wakes up and says, “I think I’ll screw up my life today.” Give yourself, and others, a break.

3. Cultivate realistic thinking. You don’t necessarily have to be a positive thinker. Sometimes healthy skepticism is appropriate. Try to be balanced in your thinking, though: For example, what is the evidence for (insert worrisome thought or idea)? What are the implications? How likely is it to happen? What coping skills do you have in place if the worst were to happen?

4. Connect with others. We are inherently social and have a fundamental need for belonging. Having social support is a buffer in times of stress. Connecting with others can also help put problems in perspective; others can give you useful feedback.

5. Resolve conflicts proactively. Treat emotional issues as temporary and solvable. Useassertiveness(link is external) skills. Realize you can be kind without having people walk all over you.

6. Develop good self-care practices. Exercise, eat healthy most of the time, get enoughsleep, be kind to yourself, and develop good boundaries. Here’s a list of 80+ self-care ideas(link is external). Do one today.

7. Share gratitude and love. Express gratitude to those who have made a difference in your life. Send a card. Write a letter. Visit in person.

8. Focus on the good. Write down three good things that happen each day. Take pictures. Journal. Keep scrapbooks (they don’t have to be fancy). This helps reorient our brains to the fact that things are actually going pretty well. Dr. Rick Hanson, author of the new book, Hardwiring Happiness(link is external), has popularized this phrase—”focus on the good.”

9. Live like you’re on vacation. What makes the time we spend on vacation better than the time we spend at home? We are open to new experiences. We are trying novel things. At home there are plenty of things we could be doing that would be novel and/or fun, but there’s no urgency. Plan a time to be a tourist in your own town.

10. Fake it. Studies show that if your face is in a smiling position (such as holding a pen long-ways in your mouth), it sends signals to your brain that you are happy. If you don’t want to put a pen in your mouth, simply focus on turning up the corners of your mouth ever so slightly. Imagine that even your eyes are smiling.

11. Have fun and laugh. Laughter has been shown to lower blood pressure, reduce certain stress hormones, defend against respiratory infections, increase memory and learning, improve alertness, and increase creativity. (Enjoy these quotes about laughter.)

12. Spend money. Money can buy (some) happiness, but only if you spend it on the right things, like experiences or other people. No one ever said on his or her deathbed, “I wish I’d bought more stuff.”

13. Simplify. Too many things, too many activities, too many choices—really too much ofanything—can cause stress and decrease happiness. Here’s a great website(link is external) to give you some ideas on simplifying.

14. Curtail Comparisons. Remember that we all have joys and sorrows. Too often we’re comparing how we feel on the inside to how someone else looks on the outside.

15. Live an authentic and meaningful life. Be true to yourself and live in line with your values. Ask yourself, What do I want in life? What small steps can I take to move in that direction?

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Let’s Keep in Touch!

Follow me on Twitter(link is external).

I also write at The Self-Compassion Project(link is external), with its own Facebook page(link is external).

I am the co-author of Dying of Embarrassment(link is external), Painfully Shy(link is external), andNurturing the Shy Child(link is external). Dying ofEmbarrassment: Help for Social Anxiety & Phobia was found to be one of the most useful and scientifically grounded self-help books in a research study published inProfessional Psychology, Research and Practice. I’ve also been featured in the award-winning PBS documentary, Afraid of People(link is external). My husband, Greg, and I also co-authoredIlluminating the Heart: Steps Toward a More Spiritual Marriage.(link is external)

Photo credits: D. Sharon Pruitt

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